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How to Troll


s1nglewing
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This is a "How to" because although we have a few trolls on this board, their game is weak, and they need some guidance on how to step it up. This is, of course, written in jest.

 

1. It's very important to be a poor speller. I can't stress this one enough. It's against the troll code of conduct to spell words correctly, so proper spelling will give you away as a wannabe very quickly.

 

2. You must be creative with insults. It's not enough to use insults, you need to be able to use them in new and exciting ways. 

 

3. TYPE IN ALL CAPS. I DON'T THINK I NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS ONE, DO I?

 

4. Accuse the other person of being something although you don't actually even know them. When you get into a war of words with someone, odds are they will win it. Why do I say that? Because most trolls are mental midgets and you're a troll, right? So, you'll need a backup plan for when you lose an argument, and few things will do more damage than making a groundless accusation.

 

5. Don't let facts get in the way of a good opinion. This is a biggie for a good troll. Go right ahead and state whatever is on your mind and when confronted with evidence to the contrary, stand your ground. Question the other person's sources, and when the source can't be questioned, question the context.

 

6. When in doubt, threaten a physical confrontation. This one will really show them. Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of others like being threatened by some faceless name on a computer screen. Sure, you're a scrawny, 120-pound geek sitting in front of his computer wearing three-day old underwear but tell someone you're going to kick his butt, and everyone will think you're 7 foot tall and bullet proof. All the other people on the forum will instantly become afraid of you and no one will ever dare disagree with you again.

 

7. Make sure to post on every thread, regardless of what the thread is about. Everything IS all about you, isn't it? So what if your posts are out of context - the thread should have been about your topic, after all.

 

8 Your head must be up your rear end. This is not negotiable, all trolls have their heads up there, without exception.

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